I am a sinner
Friends in Christ, today we see in the gospel, that once Peter experiences the sense of Awe in the presence of Christ, he feels his unworthiness – his sinfulness. ‘O Lord, depart from me, for I am a sinful man.’
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When a person falls into sin – I mean, when a person who wishes to serve God – falls into sin, one can become discouraged, there can be a sense of despair. People will sometimes get caught in sinful actions or fall due to a weakness that they have or propensity toward a certain vice – it is easy when one falls to feel discouraged.
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It is not uncommon for a person to admit that having fallen into a certain sin, they say ‘I stopped praying and didn’t want to go to Mass.’ ‘Why, I ask.’ ‘Because I felt so sinful, I didn’t feel I should be around God. Other people, once having fallen into a certain sin, becoming discouraged, they say, ‘what’s the use, I am a disgrace before God,’ and so they just proceed to commit more sins – because they have given up.
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On the contrary, the saints tell us that if we fall, we should immediately ask the Lord’s forgiveness, determine to confess when we are able, and then begin again – to serve the Lord with love. The devil wants us to fall, yes. But his real game is to get us to despair of God’s love, to say, ‘what’s the use.’ That’s his real game.
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St. Francis de Sales says that we must practice patience, not only with others, but with ourself. ‘Some, he says, after a fall are so upset with themselves that they commit a thousand other faults. St. Aloysius Gonzga says, the devil always finds fish to catch in troubled water. We must not have a trouble heart.
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‘If we have fallen into a sin, says St. Alphonsus, we must not be disturbed, but humble ourselves peacefully; detest the sin, and have recourse to God. To be very upset over our sin is pride; we say, ‘How could I – how could I have fallen like that!?!’ But this is pride. To the saints, it was no surprise that they would fall, because we are all weak and foolish. Therefore, we must never lose our peace, even over our sins, because we have a heavenly Father who loves us, and is waiting for us to return.
